---
title: "How to Empower Others 1"
tags: coach session notes life-coaching empowering mad
date: 2020-11-28 20:01:24
---

# How to Empower Others 1

# Empowering Others

Session 1 / 5

## Know Yourself
You might project yourself on the people you mentor. 

## 3 Levels of Impact of Mentoring
- Personal Impact - you understand yourself better.
- Impacting Others
- Cultural, national or global impact - if you scale up the mentoring.

## Core Values and Beliefs

### Albert Ellis' 13 Unhelpful Beliefs that people operate out of
- I must do well and get the approval of everybody who matters to me or I will be a worthless person.
- Other people must treat me kindly and how I want them to treat me or else they are bad.
- I must have an easy, enjoyable life (without responsibilities) or I cannot enjoy living at all.
- All the people who matter to me must love me and approve of everything that I say and do.
- I must be a high achiever and succeed at everything I do, or I will be worthless.
- Nobody should ever behave badly and if they do, I must condemn them.
- I mustn't ever get angry or frustrated, and if I do, I am a bad person.
- When things are tough and I am under pressure, I must be sad and there's nothing I can do about this.
- When faced with the possibility of something unsafe or dangerous happening to me, I must obsess about it and make frantic efforts to avoid it.
- I can avoid my responsibilities and dealing with life's difficulties and still be fulfilled.
- My past is the most important part of my life and it will keep on dictating how I feel and what I do.
- Everybody and everything should be better than they are and, if they're not, it's a bad thing.
- I deserve to be happy by doing as little as possible and by just enjoying myself in life.

Variation on 12. People must not hurt my feelings and they must ensure I remain happy.

## Security vs Freedom

Growth happens when you move between security towards freedom.

When can we empower others?
1. Solving a challenge
2. Achieving a goal
3. Picking up a new skill

## Learning Styles
1. Visual
2. Auditory
3. Reading/Writing
4. Kinesthetic

1. Participating: Group learning
2. Reflecting: You need to think to learn
3. Structuring: You have to structure the info to process it
4. Experimenting: You have to do to learn.

When teaching someone, don't force them to learn the way you like to learn.

Are you criticizing, advising, empathizing or searching?
- Criticizing: Finding fault - "you should have"
- Advising: Gives an advice - "you should try this"
- Empathizing: Feeling what the person is feeling - "i feel sorry that you"
- Searching: Questions - "what happened"

When mentoring, avoid criticizing or advising.
People learn better when they figure out the solution themselves - hence advising might not be help.
Ideally, Acknowledge and Empathize - then search.

Learning / Takeaways ...
1. Structuring type of learning
2. Don't force others to learn the way you like to learn
3. Advising is not helpful when teaching. 

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### Tags
#coach #session #notes #life-coaching #empowering #mad